’n Pastorale verkenning van die effek van ‘pa-wonde’, ‘pa-honger’ en ‘pa-nood’

Abstract

In hierdie artikel word eerstens enkele historiese merkers aangetoon met betrekking tot sommige belangrike konsepte soos ‘pa-wonde’, ‘pahonger’ en ‘pa-nood’. Die leemte met betrekking tot navorsing op die terrein van hierdie tema word vervolgens aan die orde gestel asook die aanslag op die rol van die pa oor die algemeen. Vyf bydraende faktore tot ‘pa-wonde’, ‘pa-honger’ en ‘pa-nood’ word agtereenvolgens bespreek, naamlik: gesinstrukture wat besig is om te verander; veranderende loopbaanstrukture; ouers wat gedwing word om verskillende rolle en vlakke van betrokkenheid te vervul; verskuiwing tussen tradisionele en kontemporêre geslagsrolle; en volwasse plesier, die digitale era, en die rol van portuurgroepe. Die tweede gedeelte van die artikel fokus op ? aantal praktiese riglyne om die vaderverhouding weer te herstel. Aspekte wat byvoorbeeld hier prominent figureer, is die volgende: Identifisering van die probleem; identifisering van die simptome; versameling van al die feite; identifisering van familiegeheime en familiemites; verbalisering van dit wat nog nie vantevore gesê is nie; herformulering van die verlede; prosessering van die verliese; om te waak teen impulsiewe oorreaksies; die belangrikheid van vergifnis; die uitnodiging aan andere om jou reis mee te maak; die ondersoek van nuwe rolle; die toekenning van nuwe betekenis aan die verlede; die ervaring van self ? seun groot te maak; die ontdekking dat daar slegs een Volmaakte Pa is, en deur in ? daaglikse intieme verhouding met Hom te verkeer, wat kan lei tot die genesing van wonde en die herstel van verhoudings.

A pastoral exploration of the effect of ‘father wounds’, ‘father hunger’, and ‘father need’
In this article firstly a couple of historical markers will be indicated with reference to the concepts of ‘father wounds’, ‘father hunger’ and ‘father need’. The void referring to research on the terrain of this theme will then be raised, as well as the onslaught on the role of the father in general. Five contributing factors to ‘father wounds’, ‘father hunger’ and ‘father need’ will be consecutively discussed, namely: family structures that are busy changing; changing career structures; parents who are forced to fulfil different roles and levels of involvement; the shift between traditional and contemporary gender roles; adult pleasure, the digital era, and the role of peer groups. The second part of the article focuses on a number of practical guidelines to restore the father relationship again. Aspects that, for example, prominently figure here, are the following: identifying the problem; identifying the symptoms; collecting all the facts; identifying family secrets and family myths; verbalising that which had not been said before; re-formulating the past; processing the losses; to guard against impulsive overreactions; the importance of forgiveness; the invitation to others to share your journey; exploring new roles; the allocation of new meaning to the past; the experience of raising a son yourself; the discovery that there is only one Perfect Father, and by daily  maintaining an intimate relationship with Him, can lead to the healing of wounds and the recovery of relationships.